


we consume ourselves

by kaos_sparrow



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Statement Fic (The Magnus Archives), The Flesh Fear Entity (The Magnus Archives), autocannibalism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27978168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaos_sparrow/pseuds/kaos_sparrow
Summary: Statement of Lisa Scott, regarding a nervous habit.Original statement given 9th December 2020.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	we consume ourselves

**Statement of Lisa Scott, regarding a nervous habit.  
Original statement given 9th December 2020.**

**Statement begins.**

When I was a kid, I picked at my cuticles. It bothered me when they were rough, or irregular, or hanging, and the easiest way to make them neat was to use my teeth. Just a little bit! Your mouth can be so delicate, fingers might as well be sledgehammers for something this small.

So I would nibble at my nails. And I wouldn't spit out the bits of skin. It's all me, after all! It's just keeping my body together.

Most people grow out of things like that, I think, or at least pretend to. And I mostly did, too -- I like to keep my nails neat, and when I'm doing good, sleeping well and nicely busy and all that, my hands are occupied by other things. And I like to keep the nails painted, which helps: the polish doesn’t last long with me picking it off, but my fingers stay nice.

But sometimes I...slip. I don't sleep well. I get bored, or stressed. And I pick at my nails, and the cuticles peel, and I'm back to nibbling. I sometimes think, hey, at least I'm keeping it in-house! No fancy cuticle trimmers needed!

The last few months...it's been a lot, I imagine you know. Lots of anxiety. Lots of dead time.

Three weeks ago, I was in a webconference meeting -- my office doesn't usually put video on, so there's no one to look at and no one to look at me. I was listening, and watching the presentation on screen, and thinking about what I was going to make for lunch. And then my mouth was wet, and my finger was throbbing, and when I spit into a tissue I saw a flap of skin pulled down almost to the knuckle.

I try to pay attention, and take care of myself, but it keeps happening. I put bandaids over my fingertips, but they slip off and I'm back to it. My nails are down to the quick, now. My fingers are always bleeding.

I feel stupid, making a statement here. It's not spooky, really, right? Just a nervous habit.

But I'm scared. All of my sheets are bloodstained, because I eat at myself in my sleep. I can't shake the feeling that someday soon I'm going to wake up and see bare muscle.

The worst part is how natural it feels, how _right_. Yesterday I-- woke up, I guess, in the middle of a snack. And I took the skin out of my mouth, and I leaned over to the trash.

I couldn't do it.

I swallowed.

**Author's Note:**

> I just think we could be doing more with the Flesh  
> find me on tumblr at [windcalling](https://windcalling.tumblr.com/)


End file.
